Straightened Out

Don't ask me what I'm doing still up! I thought I'd gotten myself straightened out--ha! I asked Jo to work on me this afternoon, which she kindly did. Then I felt a bit dizzy, which has happened before when someone worked on my lower back, so I sat out on the back porch with Mary and promptly went to sleep--for about 3 hours! Then we moved into the living room where I slept for another 2 hours. I think I have sleeping sickness! I don't think I've ever slept so much in one week before in my life--honestly! So now I'm awake.

I didn't really want to go to sleep because I was feeling lonely. All my life I seem to have been plagued by the feeling of loneliness--like a red thread flowing through my life, connecting it all together. Since I've been living with Mary, I've felt much, much less lonely, but I still have occasional bouts, like now. Maybe it's because Jo is going out of town for a few days. But I think it has more to do with the guy that I was interested in. I liked him--or who I thought he was--so much! I've looked at various websites--dating sites--but can't find anyone I'd really be interested in enough to write to. Plus, there seem to be so many obstacles, ranging from my situation with Mary to my huge family to my horrible propensity to be so picky when it comes to men. Well, after looking at these sites, I feel worse than I felt before. Jo even looked and found a guy I might have considered contacting--then his profile disappeared! It's an omen ;-)

Oh, I guess I don't really care whether I find someone. At least I keep telling myself that. Mary had three husbands and I tease her all the time about how did she manage it and can't she give me any advice, but she says she has no idea. Heck, she mostly doesn't even remember any of her husbands except for Bill! I know the aunts and Mom, even, didn't care for him, but I'd still like to have met him. He must have been a character, a force to be reckoned with. And the fact that he chose Mary... I bet she was a character, herself. I wish I could see her standing there at that soda fountain counter at Woolworth's. What did she look like when Bill first met her? Did she flirt with him? I know he wouldn't let anyone else wait on him. Oh, here I go, living vicariously. It's surprising that I don't write romance novels!

Well, I've gotten a headache from staring at the computer screen. Bonnie called today to see if I wanted her to come this week--her way of letting me know that she really doesn't want to come. I really need her to, though, because I have my appointment to get my hair dyed tomorrow (it was postponed) and we've got our last CSA pick-up--boo hoo! (We haven't decided whether we're going to do it again next year. I'd like to, but it's expensive.) Then I need Bonnie to come on Wednesday because Jo has very graciously arranged for her boss to work on my pressure points on my lower back--I'm nervous but excited, too. I met this lady once and found her a bit intimidating, but Jo adores her and thinks the world of her abilities.

I made Beef Barley soup this evening--for tomorrow. Mary loves Barley Soup. At least she used to love it. She often doesn't remember her likes and dislikes anymore--except she doesn't forget how much she loves cantaloupe and how much she hates watermelon :-) I never make Barley Soup, but I love it, too. I think it will be delicious. I love throwing things into soup and not knowing how it's going to turn out--maybe it makes me feel a bit like a witch! Yes, I think that's it! Well, Jo is very appreciative of my cooking and I always thought she was quite a good cook herself, so I think I must not be too bad. That's nice--to be good at something you enjoy doing. I think that's something I really long for--to be very good at something that I do naturally. I guess that comes from thinking I was good at singing and then studying it for 12 years and ending up feeling like I was no good--not in the eyes of the people who "counted."

Well, I've just been chatty Kathy, haven't I? Now to bed with my headache--and the dogs.