Home

For Mary's funeral I downloaded some songs that I felt were particularly representative of her and my memory of her. One of these was Love's Old Sweet Song. The version I liked best was by Deanna Durbin. Mom always raved about her, so I downloaded a complete album from her--there was also a beautiful version of the Ave Maria, which Mary loved, on that album. I listened to this often in the first couple of months and it occurred to me that there were two songs on the album about home, which was such a constant theme for Mary toward the end of her life. I can't help but think that Mary, or some guardian angel, led me to those songs. I'll put the lyrics below.

Oh, this is a funny thing--in the song Beneath the Lights of Home there's a line that I heard wrong. The actual line is: Turn the hands of time for me. I thought she was singing: Send the hounds of time for me, which I personally think is much more poetic! In looking for the lyrics, I found that others have often misheard this line. According to the following link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen, many people have thought she was singing: Tell the Huns it's time for me! Apparently, this mishearing of a lyric is called a Mondegreen!

Home Sweet Home

'Mid pleasures and palaces
Though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble,
There's no place like home.
A charm from the skies
Seems to hallow us there,
Which seek thro' the world,
Is ne'er met with elsewhere.
Home, home, sweet sweet home,
There's no place like home,
There's no place like home.

I gaze on the moon
As I tread the drear wild,
And feel that my mother
Now thinks of her child;
As she looks on that moon
From our own cottage door,
Thro' the woodbine whose fragrance
Shall cheer me no more.
Home, home, sweet sweet home,
There's no place like home,
There's no place like home.

An exile from home,
Splendor dazzles in vain,
Oh, give me my lowly
Thatched cottage again;
The birds singing gaily,
That came at my call:
Give me them and that
Peace of mind, dearer than all.
Home, home, sweet sweet home,
There's no place like home,
There's no place like home.

Beneath the Light of Home

I can see the lights of home
Shining brightly o'er the foam;
Beckon to me while I roam
Away from the lights of home.

In that little old sleepy town
Nothing happens after the sun goes down;
Noting but moonbeams roam around
Beneath the lights of home.

Turn the hands of time for me,
Let me live in my memory.
Once again I long to be
Beneath the lights of home.

Lawsuit Update

• A's deposition was taken today, so my lawyer grilled her (very nicely) for 1 1/2 hours. Luckily they agreed to not have Mike present.
  
• A contradicted herself quit a bit, and I think she got frustrated when my lawyer seemed to be asking the same question again, for clarification.
• Interestingly enough, A said she had never seen the deed to the house which supposedly had her signature on it. She said it didn't look like her signature and she didn't remember signing it.
• My lawyer was pleased that she agreed that I had taken wonderful care of Mary and done everything for her.
• A agreed that Mary thought of me as a daughter.
• A said that she had known that Mary was leaving her the house in her will of 2002 and had not known anything about the will of 2005 and that in her opinion, Mary was not of sound mind enough to change her will in 2005, that I had coerced her and that in her opinion the will was invalid. She said that both I and Mom knew that Mary was not of sound mind in 2005. That will be very interesting if they have to prove that in court!
• My lawyer said that he'd be in contact with me in about 2 months, unless A's lawyer asks to deposition me before then. He said that he felt better about the case after A's deposition but that a lawsuit is always a crap-shoot. He told me to consider whether I'd be willing to give the matter over to a mediator and settle out of court so as to maintain some control instead of completely being at the mercy of the jury's decision and to consider how much I'd be willing to pay A to drop her claim on the house. Personally, I'm not inclined to settle. Perhaps I'm just being stubborn, but I'd rather not give A the satisfaction of my appearing to say that she was right. I never asked Mary for her house or her money or tried to influence her in any way to leave anything to me, I didn't bring a lawyer in to have her make a new will, and Mary knew exactly what she was doing when she made her last will. I was not even in the house when she signed it.

I Love to Be Loved

I was just listening to a CD by Peter Gabriel, and when I heard this song, it suddenly hit me, well, I guess I've had inklings, why I find it so hard to let go of Mary. She made me feel so loved. I guess that's why we all have problems letting go of our babies and pets.

Love to Be Loved

So, you know how people are
When it's all gone much too far
The way their minds are made
Still, there's something you should know
That I could not let show
That fear of letting go

And in this moment, I need to be needed
With this darkness all around me, I like to be liked
In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted
'Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved [x2]
Yes, I love to be loved

I cry the way that babies cry
The way they can't deny
The way they feel
Words, they climb all over you
'Til they uncover you
From where you hide

And in this moment, I need to be needed
When my self-esteem is sinking, I like to be liked
In this emptiness and fear,
I want to be wanted
'Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved [x2]
Oh I love to be loved

This old familiar craving
I've been here before, this way of behaving
Don't know who the hell I'm saving anymore
Let it pass let it go let it leave
From the deepest place I grieve
This time I believe

And I let go [x2]
I can let go of it
Though it takes all the strength in me
And all the world can see
I'm losing such a central part of me
I can let go of it
You know I mean it
You know that I mean it
I recognize how much I've lost
But I cannot face the cost
'Cause I love to be loved

Yes I love to be loved
I love to be loved
[x3]

I love to be loved

I love to be loved
Yes I love to be loved