Getting Ready to Party

It's almost 1 AM and I'm not in bed! Argh! I'm going to die tomorrow. I've still got so much to do: cut up veggies, make sandwiches, wash off plastic chairs, set things out... I'm sure there are other things. My list is in the other room. I wish I could have washed the windows of the back porch. I'm really quite proud of myself for what I did get done, though. For example, I got at least half of my magazines on a shelf in the kitchen. That's such a relief to see them there instead of lying around. I also moved some tables around in the living room. The table that Mary always had next to her chair has this bizarre metal sort of "fence" around the edge, so it was hard for her to pick her coffee cup up and set it down. She would never hear of my moving it, though. I moved a bigger one there and I really like it, so I hope she comes round. She seemed receptive to it, although we didn't sit in the living room tonight. I put the one with the ring around the edge next to my chair. The lamp is higher up and that should be good for my knitting. I also moved my computer. It's not sitting on a little footstool right behind Mary's chair. I put my zofu and zabutan in front of it, so I can sit on them. It will take some getting used to, but it's probably better for me than leaning over from the couch. Also, it leaves the coffe table free and I really like that. It looks so nice and neat. Maybe this neaterness will help Mary's psyche. She was always neat as a pin. I left her alone a lot today, but I told her that the benefit will be that the house will be the neatest it's been in the last six years--since I moved in!

Before Susan came, I worked so much cleaning up the basement. I moved another shelf upstairs to the kitchen. It's funny how it can take you so long to make a decision but then when you finally do it, you feel this immediate sense of relief. I love the added shelf space in the kitchen and I love the new arrangement and neatness in the living room. Now, if I can only do the same thing in my room!

I've been thinking--I haven't thought about Mary's taxes at all! Her financial advisor wants me to use look at the accounts online. I haven't set it up--there was Gina's death, then Susan's visit and now this party. I hate thinking about money. I don't understand people who are so into it. When I think about money, I just get a stomach ache--regardless of how much is there or isn't there. Speaking of money, this party has cost us out so much! I'm really so irresponsible with Mary's money...but I think she will love having everyone here and doing this for Angie. However, I need to stay away from the grocery store at least for the next week. Two weeks would be good, but I know I'll need milk and then there will be bread and then... As I said to Mom, the problem is that grocery-shopping is what I like to do during my free time. It's fun for me.

Well, this will be a good time for Mom and me to look through pictures of Gina so that Fred can get her video ready for the Mother's Day Memorial Service. I found another chain for my St Edwin's medal. (The original one broke.) I was wondering whether we should get St Regina medals made :-)

Well, I'm beginning to feel ill, so I should get to bed. I just wanted to say, though, how much I've enjoyed planning this party. I've always loved having people over--I just hate to go anywhere, myself. I know Mitch loves to have people over, too.

Worries

It seems like I've been spending so much money lately. I know that Mary has enough, but I think once you've lived from hand to mouth for a while, you never get over that nervous fear in the pit of your stomach that you're going to run out of money. It's like a disease.

First, the guy came to check the air-conditioning. He said we had a small leak, so I told him to go ahead and fix it. We also talked about and decided to change over to a different air filter. There is an electric type installed but I haven't gotten the impression in a long time that it was doing anything much. So he turned that off and put in a filter. They are expensive but last for half a year. I hope it works better! At least the electric bill might be a bit smaller. Luckily, when the guy came the next day, he said there really wasn't any leak that he could tell. The other guy was newer, I think. The second guy is the one that has always come since I've been here. Whew! I went ahead and paid for a service contract for Mom and Dad. They've never had their ac or heater checked and I think that's something that should be maintained. Maybe I'm an idiot...they say a fool and his money are easily parted! I wish they'd get a digital thermostat so they can see exactly where the temp is set.

Then I was out cutting grass and when I came in, I noticed a distinct smell of gas, so I called the gas and electric company. They came to check it and found there was a leak, so they turned it off. I was so nervous about getting a good plumber to fix it. I called the one that had the Better Business Bureau seal of approval and had been in business since 1938. They got here the next day and fixed it for $188. I was so relieved--till the gas and electric guy came and said that he would turn the dryer back on because the pipe leading to it was copper and that's illegal. Gas eats through copper. Well, that's good to know, at any rate. We don't want any health hazards. However, that job cost $280! I about fainted. Then the gas and electric guy had to come back out. I wasn't here, but Bonnie was. He turned everything on and checked it. Apparently, he tried to check to see if the furnace was working properly. Odd because the other guy didn't do that. He didn't think it was turning on, so Bonnie called me and I was even more of a mess thinking about getting that fixed. Luckily, when I got home and finally got around to checking it, everything worked just fine. They just didn't wait long enough for it to come on properly.

Also, Mary and I went to the dentist yesterday. I don't have dental insurance, so that was a bit over $100. Then there is the party on Sunday for Aunt Angie. I know I shouldn't spend a lot, but it's her 90th, so I want it to be special. I got all the matching plates and things for the Disney Princess invitations that I sent out as well as streamers, champagne, and food. The bill was humongous and I still have stuff to get today. Some people have asked if they can bring anything but I find it hard to tell people something specific. What if they're late or something happens and they can't come? And what's fair? Oh, there was a special deal running--buy four frozen pizzas (by a brand I like) and you get two quarts of Breyer's ice cream. Cool! But I was sweating finding room in the freezer, and Mary and I will have frozen pizza at least twice this week!

Did I mention that Mary and I saw this movie called Howl's Moving Castle? I got it out from the library. We really enjoyed it. I'd like to take it over to Mom's and watch it again. I wonder how she'll like it. She'll probably think it is stupid.

I love the library. They now have music CDs, so I'm listening to a Mozart CD. Wonderful! I think the cat likes it, too.

Abusing the Caregiver

I received yesterday a proposal from a family member (not directly related) to offer me assistance in alleviating the unfortunate byproduct of my loving care for Mary, namely my celibacy. As the shock is settling down and the disgust settling in, I am reminded of the other incidence of blatant abuse when Aunt Angie accused me of being lesbian, since I was so affectionate with Mary. I wonder, is this common? Why do some family members seem to feel a need to take advantage of or abuse a caregiver? Is it that someone who spends most of her hours serving another seems to be on a lower status level? Do I seem worth less because of my lack of giving back to society in the traditional ways so that people feel they can dump on me or treat me in some way which most clear-minded people would surely recognize as inappropriate? I've heard of shooting the messenger, but abusing the caregiver? I can only shake my head and hope that these people don't make a habit of treating others this way. And thank my lucky stars that my own head is screwed on right.

Life After a Visitor

My friend Susan from New Zealand was here visiting for the last two weeks. She was wonderful about helping with the dishes. It was so nice to not have to do so many little things. She also took the dogs for at least one walk almost every day. It seemed so natural to have her here. I felt myself getting rather depressed the night before she left, and I noticed last night while lying in bed that I'd gotten accustomed to the feeling that there was someone downstairs below me in the basement, which is where she slept. I set up the bed I used to sleep in and it looked quite nice with the rug and bedside table.

We mostly hung out here and cooked and baked a lot--and ate a lot, too, of course. One day we drove (taking Mary along) to Berea. We also went out to Angie's over to Mom's a few times. One afternoon we drove through Cherokee Park, stopping at Dog Hill to let the dogs get out of the car and meet some other dogs.

Unfortunately, on Wednesday Mary woke up with diarrhea, which continued all day along with vomitting. Luckily, though, the nurse was supposed to come to release her, so she was able to check her out and give me some tips about what to do. She said she'd seen 10 other people that day with this bug. She came back on Friday, by which time Mary had gotten better. She told me about the BRAT diet, but I knew about that from Gina. She told me to wait 12 hours after the vomitting stopped to start the BRAT foods and then 12 hours after the diarrhea to start normal foods. She also said not to give Mary coke because that had a lof of acid in it, so it really wasn't good for someone with diarrhea--that's just an old wives' tale. She was also able to look through Mary's medications and tell me which ones weren't necessary while she was sick.

We were supposed to go out to Angie's yesterday because it was her 90th birthday. The weather was beautiful, although a bit cool. However, I was the one with diarrhea, so we didn't go. Mary was very tired today and it was stormy and rainy, so maybe we'll go Wednesday. Anna baked a cake. I have to admit that I partially didn't want to go because Angie's getting on my last nerve at the moment. The other day she said something to me which royally pissed me off. The more I think about it, the madder it makes me. She suddenly said, "I don't know where you get the money that you get things with. I don't want to know." I don't even know what we were talking about. Oh, that burns me up! What business is it of hers? And where does she think I get money from? She knows I don't have a cent to my name? I guess she's worried about Mary's stocks and bonds because that's what she was supposed to get in Mary's will. Plus, she annoyed me because she said we should bring Mary out regardless of her having diarrhea--just give her half an Immodium and half a banana. And in response to the rain today, she said, "What, are you afraid she's going to melt?" Also, Mary told her several times that she had sent the pink sweater that Angie got in the mail, and then when Angie finally understood, she yelled at Mary for not telling her when she'd asked--she was the one who hadn't understood! She said the other day that she was wearing her hearing aid--but in the wrong ear. Like that's going to help anything! I just get so tired of her selfishness, egotism and crass manners.

Just as I had suspected, Mary has been rather confused about where the little girl who was staying in the basement is. She's also been very confused about "going home" and surprised about this being her house. I don't know which is worse, mental or physical unwellness.

Where to?

Mary will tell me that she needs to use the potty and then when I've gotten her standing up with her walker, she'll ask, "Where to?" As you can imagine, I give all kinds of answers since I hear this question several times a day. Yesterday I asked her where she wanted to go. She answered, "The living room?" As we were standing in the living room at the time, this really tickled my funny bone. I said, "Yeah, let's go to the living room," whereupon she proceeded to go out to the hallway and head towards the bathroom. When she stood in front of the bathroom, she asked if that's where she should go, so I said yes. I was trying not to bust out laughing the whole time. I know I shouldn't laugh at her or tell stories on her, but some things are just too funny.

Last night after dinner Rudi was begging to beat the band like usual, so I finally got Bella and him some treats. Well, when he wanted more, I got a handfull of his dog food and Mary gave that to him. He took it and ate it like it was some delicacy! We both got a big laugh out of that. It was quite touching, too, because she wants so desparately to be needed and it gave her such a good feeling to have him practically eating out of her hand.

We finally, after a week, got the antibiotics for her UTI. I think they must mess with her. Last night in the middle of the night I heard her bells ringing and when I went in there, she was crying and saying she was so scared because she thought she was all alone. I got in bed with her for a while till she calmed down. She's so sweet.