Ad Infinitum

The illnesses and aches and pains continue on. The night before last Mary started getting very panicked and upset. She said she was worried because she was all alone. She kept wanting to call home. This continued during the day. I took a hot bath (pre-heated the tub and used some of Jo's essential oils--heavenly!) and then laid down in my bed. Jo and her daughter were kindly feeding Mary dinner and taking care of her, but I think my absence didn't help matters as Mary was more upset than ever when I got up. I sat with her in her chair for a while (great for my back--not!) and tried to draw her attention to the TV as much as possible.

She was worried about money. It's funny but that's really the last thing she should worry about! I'm worried about her becoming incapacitated and me having to put her in a home and my ending up penniless! I can see Mary living to be 110 and just being a vegetable. I know the mental health nurse told me several years ago that I should just agree with her, but I feel compelled to tell Mary the truth. She can't phone her mother because Grandma has been dead 31 years! What do I do if I say she can call and then she wants to talk to Grandma? I think it's better to remind Mary how old she is. I was telling her that she'll be 97 in a couple of months and she said she guessed she didn't have much longer to live. She's said this before. I told her I guessed it was up to her and God. She said it was just up to God. I told her I wasn't sure about that. I mean, people can give up--or they can hold on. Who knows why people die when they do. Maybe it's all just chance.

I did some yoga yesterday. I'd been avoiding it because Jo thought it might be exacerbating my back pain, but her boss had said that if I followed a balanced program then it was alright. I do the Yoga for Stress Relief with Suzanne Deason. It felt so wonderful! It was very interesting because I could really feel where I was tight and sometimes it was unexpected. I really should be doing that every day--and weight lifting to build my strength for lifting Mary. Should, should, should! Who does everything they should do?