Bake-Therapy

I've gotten control of myself for the most part.

I put the gel cushion that was on Mary's bed in the corner of her room where her bed used to be. Mom seemed a bit unsure of my having only rented the hospital bed instead of buying it, but it wasn't a very nice bed and I knew I would never think of it as Mary's bed, really, and that I wouldn't want it around after she was gone. The bed I sleep on was Mary's bed when I first moved in. Anyway, I put sheets and an afghan I'd crocheted for Mary on the gel cushion, so it looks like a sort of bed. I meant it to look sort of homey and inviting, but it just looks kind of sad. I'd like to put my meditation cushion in there, but 1) the kitty litter box is in there and it smells sometimes (Mary could never smell it.) and 2) I feel so distressed when I'm in there, I'm not sure I could do much meditating.

I decided to forgo folding the clothes that Jo has been washing all week. There are too many things from Mary in there. Things she just wore recently. I almost lost it when I had to put the clothes that she wore to the hospital away in her room. I'd intended for her to wear them home. So I decided to make another angel food cake. This will be the third one in the last week, I think. I had a lot of egg whites left from the yellow cakes I've been making recently. The only thing is that I don't have enough granulated sugar. I took my last bag to Mom's since I was using up all of her flour and stuff. I think I'll try a brown sugar angel food cake recipe. Not that I feel much like baking, but it's a distraction. I'm also working on a bottle of red wine that my sister-in-law Jan left at Mom's house. That's probably not a good idea. The last thing I need is a migraine tomorrow during probate court. What do you wear to probate court? I guess I should look into that before I go to bed.

It's after 10 PM and Jo should be home soon. I'd kind of like to be in bed. I just don't feel like talking to anyone or sitting in the living room--without Mary there.