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I’ve got to get started with dinner but I’ve got to write this or I feel like I’m going to bust. A lawyer was just here (arranged by the new financial advisor because he thought Mary should set up a trust fund). The lawyer talked to Mary about her will and why she had it the way she did and about the house being in her and Anna’s names. It was odd, but he seemed to come in prepared to tell her to…well, not change her will, but, well, he started talking right away about who you leave your estate to and that if it’s left to family then they don’t have to pay any taxes. Then he talked about how if you leave your money to older people, they probably aren’t going to do anything with it except pass it on to their children because they are usually set financially and don’t need it, so maybe it was worth considering leaving it to someone younger who will actually do something with the money. It was really interesting to watch because he set it up perfectly for Mary to change her will and leave everything to me. He’s going to change the deed to the house, too, and take Anna’s name off of it (which Anna will have to agree to), so that the house will go to me, too.

I’m not going to tell anyone about the will being changed (although Anna may figure that out)—other than here in my blog (because there’s probably only one person reading this and I trust this person, ahem, not to tell anyone). The lawyer advised us not to tell anyone because it will just get things stirred up. Anyway, Anna and Angie never told me when they took Mary to redo her will three years ago.

I feel on one hand completely relieved. Mary tells me all the time that she wants me to have her house and that I ought to get everything because her sisters and brothers don’t need anything. And I just tell her that she’s already made her will and the deed to the house, etc, etc. and that if she wants to change it, she has to do that herself, which isn’t really possible. Talk about serendipity—a lawyer come to the house for a different purpose and by the time he leaves, things have completely changed. When I told him that I was concerned that people might be upset at not being left anything, he said that that was just tough because they had no reason to be upset. Mary wasn’t taking anything away from them. She was doing what she wanted to do with her money. It wasn’t their money. They probably weren’t leaving anything to her! (which I bet is true) Mary has often said that it’s her money and her house and she should be able to leave it to whom she wanted. But I do feel…hm, is it guilt? I once told Angie a story about a friend of mine whose uncle kept trying to get her grandfather to change his will and the family was so upset with the way the grandfather’s will was that they don’t talk to each other anymore. Oh, also, Mary made me executrix (sp?) of the will, which makes sense. It had originally been Mike Hans, but she has next to nothing to do with him and he would get 5% of the estate—whereas I was only getting a garnet ring, which she’d already given me. But, I told Angie this story and said that I thought you shouldn’t try to get someone to change his or her will. And now I feel like I’ve gotten Mary to change hers? Well, not directly, but just by my moving in with her and taking care of her, I’ve influenced her. Does that make sense? And I know from growing up how people have been wondering for years how much money Mary has and whom she’s leaving it to. And now…well, I feel like I’m in some strange novel where fate takes this bizarre twist and, ta da! I’m the one who knows how much she’s got and I’m the one who gets it. And I feel bad about all the people, whether it’s her brother and sisters (including my mom) or anyone (other nieces and nephews, her church) who thinks they may be (or definitely are) in line to get something. I do feel like I’m snatching something out from under their noses. And I know they will be upset—or disappointed at the least.

(Oddly enough, a part of me also worries about how/if this will change things. I've often wondered whether my attitude would change if Mary did pay me. I mean, when I knew I was doing everything out of the goodness of my heart, there was a certain philanthropic pleasure to it, whereas doing something because you're being paid to do it...is a bit of a drudge. Of course, it's all in the head, but our heads do have a way of doing things without our telling them to. I feel a certain obligation now that I never felt. I hope things don't change. I've always loved taking care of Mary and I'd hate for that to change.)

On the other hand, I know how much I do and have done for Mary, so I don’t feel that bad. I can stand back and objectively look at this situation and see how it makes sense.

Of course, she could still change her will again. Say Angie finds out and puts pressure on her to change it back to what the 2002 will was. So I want to make sure that I do get paid. We’re talking about $1000/month. That’s what the financial advisor said would be doable and what he felt was fair, considering that full-time care would cost between $4000 and $6000/month. I haven’t decided whether I want to still keep looking for a job or whether I want to get my MAT in German. That would be perhaps wise for my future. Then I wouldn’t take the $1000. Of course, if I got a job, it would still have to pay more than $8/hr, which is how much we would pay someone to take care of Mary while I was at work. I’m thinking about this because I’ve just seen a job as an immigration officer here in Louisville. This would pay at least $14/hr and would be perhaps interesting for me. Well, I think I’ll apply and then decide if they do offer it to me, which, with my track record thus far, is not very likely.

I’d also like to think seriously now about getting rid of both Mary’s car and mine and getting one that makes more sense for us. The financial adviser suggested a small SUV because it would be easier to get the wheelchair into. It’s definitely something to think about, but it makes me nervous. I know nothing about buying a car!

Well, I’ve got to go fix dinner. I feel better for getting all this off of my chest.