Fodder for a Migraine

Anna called this morning and said she wasn’t going to sign the Quit deed. I handed the phone to Mary who just listened and said, uh-huh. Anna said that everyone said she’d have to be crazy to sign it and that the house should be sold and be equally divided among Mary’s siblings and me, that that’s what would be fair. Since Mary didn’t say anything, the conversation ended and they hung up. Mary had at first asked, “What paper?” to which Anna immediately replied, “See! You don’t even know what we’re talking about!” Oh, that burns me up so much! They belittle her so! Do they think she’s so stupid? Last night I heard her talking and got up to stand at my door and listen. She was saying something like, “Sisters, I know what you’re saying! You think I’m a bad person, but I’ve never done anything bad in my life. I’ve been a good person.” I eventually went in to her. I figured that if she was sleeping and having a bad dream, I should wake her up, and if she wasn’t sleeping, I could calm her down. She was awake and said that she knew her sisters were talking about her, but that she was a good person and had never done anything bad. I told her she must have had a bad dream and held her hand until she seemed calm, and then I went back to bed.

After she hung up, Mary started saying to me that they didn’t have any right to tell her what to do with her business and that she wanted me to have the house since I didn’t have one. What did Anna want with this house; she had one. I told her that she had to tell these things to Anna, not me. So she said she wanted to call her back, which I helped her do. I left the room but was listening. As it was ringing, Mary asked me what she was supposed to say. I told her that she had to know that herself. I can’t remember exactly how the conversation went, but Anna said that I was trying to take Mary’s house from her and that she was sorry that I didn’t have a house, but that was my own fault. I should have stayed here and gotten a job instead of going back to school. Then she started telling Mary that Mary had paid for my schooling. I had to jump in; I couldn’t let her tell such barefaced lies about me! I was quite upset, as you can imagine. I came into the room saying what bullshit that was! That I’d had scholarships to pay for my education. I can’t remember exactly how the conversation went but she said I wasted the money hiring those women to take care of her. I said I’d come back every other weekend (actually, often every weekend—and the first summer when I could have worked and gotten more experience teaching!) and paid for my own gas back and forth and often brought my food here so that it wouldn’t go bad, so Mary didn’t even have to buy food. They don’t take into consideration that I had to make sure there was enough food here and prepare Mary’s medications, making sure she had enough every time. I was studying and had two jobs at the same time, and taking extra classes—and still maintained a 4.0! I’m really starting to think that they are pissed off as hell that I came along. I ruined their plan. Mary was supposed to be put in a nursing home and die, so they could get their money. It’s as if they are vultures and have been waiting their whole lives for Mary’s money. It makes me so sick! And for Anna to lie about me! This is a woman whom I thought loved me, or at least liked me! That people think they deserve Mary’s money! As if they have done anything more than a sibling should. Or that being a sibling gives them this right to inherit. I feel so sorry for them. What low beings they are. And I feel sorry for Mom and for Mary to see how their relatives really are.

And I’m left grappling with how I can forgive them. I want to want to forgive them, but that’s really hard. I want to think about something else, but this keeps popping back into my head. It’s like a wound that keeps smarting. And by thinking about it, I’m pouring salt on it, which I don’t want to do! I want to be better than they are. I pray and pray that God will tell me how to handle this situation, that he will help me, give me peace, and help me learn what I am supposed to from this situation.

How can they not understand this situation? I think they wanted me to move in, they would give me all the responsibility for Mary and I’d balk and put her in a home. They never expected me to take my unfairly obtained responsibilities so seriously. They never expected me to take such good care of Mary. Angie always tells me that I do too much for Mary, that I spoil her too much. My friend Susanne says they are just blind with jealousy. I think she might be right. Angie often says she wishes she had a Bridget to take care of her. They’ve been waiting all these years and now I’ve screwed up their plan. They tell me about how Mary wouldn’t even used to drink a cup of coffee at Anna’s. I don’t know why, but they assumed she thought she was better or that Anna’s house was dirty. Oh, how they must have hated Mary for a long time for having more money than they did. They have often said things to me that show that they think she’s stupid. They also resent her for leaving the Catholic Church. And they tell me bad stories about her first husband, so they look down on her for marrying him. (He converted to Catholicism for Mary but was divorced and about 10 years older than her. They think he was the one who got Mary to leave the church.)

I have to quit thinking about this. It’s giving me a migraine. Of course, Mary will forget it all and talk to them as if nothing has happened. What should I do? Remind her of it? Let it go? O je.