Groceries

Who ever thought that going to the grocery could be a major hurdle to get over every ten days or so? Well, I mean, when I lived in Germany, it certainly was a challenge to manage to a) never put more in my cart than I actually had cash for in my wallet (I devised a clever system that worked incredibly well--I counted two DM for every item in my cart. Here I think I'd have to count $5 for every item.) and b) be able to physically carry everything I bought home--especially that time I lived at the top of a steep hill, or that time I lived on the fourth floor.

Now I revel in the memory of my past when I was able to go to the grocery any time I wanted to. Now I have to take into account what I'm going to do with Mary. She always tells me to just go ahead and go without her--she'll be fine alone. I want to just laugh out loud, let me tell you. After hearing this so many times, I do get frustrated, I admit it. I do sometimes get annoyed and tell her how silly she's being. I hope I don't do that too often. I want to always think about what it's like to be in her place. She honestly doesn't remember that she can't stay alone. And just imagine how confining that must feel. Except that, thank goodness, I don't think she looks at it that way. How awful to know that you can't even stand up, much less take a step without someone else being there. And how lucky she is that I'm there to accompany her to the bathroom anytime she wants to go. It's no wonder that old folks go gaga, become soulless, lifeless, in nursing homes. Having to ring a bell and wait for someone who probably usually doesn't come in time whenever you have to use the restroom... Sitting there in your urine or feces or then trying to get up and go yourself and falling and then being bed-ridden... Not much respect for human life there, eh? Which is all why I'm here. Part of the answer to the question I posed last night. In making sure that Mary, whom I've come to love, continues to receive human respect, I am giving and receiving something greater than money. Someone once told me that you can either learn about life by traveling around or by staying in one place. Getting the big picture or the intimate picture. The latter is what I'm after.

So grocery shopping is a problem. I thought I had it solved when I finally got Mary to use one of those electric shopping cart-wheelchairs. I took her and Angie to Lowe's and then Meijer's. On a Sunday. Not very wise. I ended up with a huge headache, but the experience was a memory in the making which I'll never forget and terribly exciting, exhilarating even. Altogether, I think we had a blast. Then I tried to take Mary alone to Kroger. I hate having to ride the thing out to the car. How embarrassing since I can obviously walk just fine! Is that how Mary feels? She probably doesn't remember that she can't walk very far. Then the thing didn't go so well. It would drag and then take off like a rocket. Scary! People were very kind but it really wasn't the pleasantest of experiences. To top it off, the thing died in the doorway going out. A bagger and I had to push it out since there were no other ones charged at the time. Those things were not meant to be pushed, let me tell you. Well, then I discovered that the manual ones with the basket in front are alright. Although the brakes never work on them, which is really quite dangerous. You should never have anyone sit down in a wheelchair without the brakes on!

I just wonder what I'm going to do when it gets colder and snows. I'll just deal. And so will Mary. But where are all the other people who have someone there with them, dealing with it all with them? Am I such an anomaly?

At any rate, Aunt Anna came with us today and she insisted on pushing Mary. I sort of felt awful about that considering that Anna is 91 herself and has a bad knee. But on the other hand, I was free to run around more and get what I wanted. Plus, it gave them some time together and considering that Anna never calls... I think she kind of owed it to Mary. Remind me to tell you sometime about my last trip to Meijer's--with Mary and Angie. Oiveh! Well, I've got to get to bed. We're having breakfast with Mom and Jan, so we've got to get out of here by 9:30. Maybe Mary's life isn't so bad after all. She certainly gets out quite a bit with me, even if she does have some days like yesterday where she just sits on her butt all day. Uh oh, it's really raining out. Oh, please, oh, please don't let the roof leak again like last week! I should have gotten that taken care of, I know, but I'm only capable of so much...