Free Time

We didn't get much done today, even though we sort of got an extra hour. For her part, Mary slept an hour longer. She amazes me, how much she can sleep! I thought I was bad but she can outsleep me most every day. (Funny how sleeping a long time has such a horrible stigma. As if you must be lazy if you sleep so much. Hmph!) Sometimes I'll go in around 9 o'clock and she'll say she wants to lay a little longer. I've been really bad and started bringing her in a half a cup of coffee. She seems to enjoy it. I put the radio on the classical music station (my preference) and open her blinds. I don't know if it's really what she wants--but it's definitely what I want! Ah, to have someone bring me coffee in bed...

Mary's definitely got to have her coffee in the morning. And at night after dinner. And after lunch. And between breakfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner! And she likes it black and filled to the brim. At least, she used to when I first moved in. Now her right arm jerks sometimes, so I don't fill it as full. (Her left leg often jerks, too. Odd.) She also always used to leave a sip in the cup. She didn't want to drink the dregs. Even though she always drank instant coffee. :-) Go figure... At some point she actually started draining her cup all the way. I think maybe the ladies (who were watching her) didn't fill the cup up all the way, so she wanted to get it all. Or maybe they didn't give her coffee as often as she liked. It's odd because, although that habit of leaving a bit in the cup always annoyed the hell out of Angie and Anna--and me too at first, I was really quite saddened when it stopped. It was as if... Mary had lost a bit of the essence of herself. A habit that had been distinctively hers was gone. She does, however, still leave a bit of food on her plate most of the time--and this does annoy me! I hate having to scrape it into the trash can. And it's just so wasteful. It's as if she wants to show that she doesn't have to eat everything.

Since it was Sunday, I felt like I ought to read a little bit more of the New Testament to Mary. I love to read to her. Unfortunately, she's gotten so that she falls asleep so often and understands so little of what I read. When I see that she's fallen asleep, I'll stop and wait till she "comes to" again. This embarrasses her--she'll swear that she was just resting her eyes. Sometimes I'll act like I was taking a drink or looking at something else. We both pretend that that was the reason I stopped. She gotten more so that she'll giggle a little. Does she really think she wasn't sleeping? I'm sure sometimes she's not aware that she was, but some of it must also be a sort of vain resistance to admitting that she's getting old.

I've read her several books. Our favorites were Harry Potter. She has even gone to see the HP movies with me! The first one was the first movie she'd seen in about 40 or 50 years! (I take Mary so many places and I don't see anyone else pushing someone around in a wheelchair. Does no one else take their old aunt or grandma or parent out? They like to go to the mall or movies or supermarket, too. Mary loves to shop--but not to buy. Ugh! It kills me!) I picked the New Testament because it's a modern language version. I've often wanted to read it and since she's a born-again Christian (yes, scandal in a Catholic family), she's naturally interested, too. We've both been surprised by quite a few things.

At any rate, I wrote a list of all the things I needed and wanted to do today and then proceeded to call my Mom and ask if she wanted me to come over and help her with her leaves. There must be some faulty wiring in my brain. Well, we needed someone to watch Mary while we worked outside, so I called Ange and got her to agree to come in. We went to get her and then went over to Mom and Dad's. Suffice it to say, we didn't get many leaves sucked up, but I think Mom loved having us there and Angie enjoyed it, too. Mary would have enjoyed a shorter visit. Too bad. ;-)

I feel like I ought to be getting to bed--Ange sleeps on the couch, where I sit while I type. I haven't really seriously looked for a job for days. I feel so guilty. But I don't really want to find a job. I enjoy taking care of Mary. Why can't it work out that she pays me and I continue to take good care of her and then the rest of my life is alright, ie, I am able to find a job after she dies. Hell, if I can't find a job now... this is my worst fear confirmed. I couldn't find a job singing either. I can only get good grades and scholarships. Jobs are beyond me. Employers know something about me that I don't know.