Another Gloomy Day

Poor Mary. This weather really gets her down. How do you cheer up a 94-year-old who doesn't want to be cheered up?

I didn't feel well today and so I was a bit mean to her sometimes. I'm always surprised at the beast that I can be. But I am only human and do get tired of her telling me that she doesn't need me to help her to the bathroom or to get dressed or whatever. In some ways she's like a little kid--when I feel bad, she senses that she's not getting the (positive) attention that she usually gets, so she gets sulky and needs even more attention. Maybe I shouldn't say that she gets sulky. Just very quiet. She didn't even feel like watching TV today. She sat there and read the same page in the newspaper the whole day long--the Annie's Mailbox. She said she just couldn't understand it. I'd love to know what's going on in her head. Some days she reads me the same headline several times. Or I'll read her something at breakfast and then in the evening she'll read it to me as if it's something brand new. Is it laughable or sad? I used to think she was mentally lazy but not I think she just can't help it. But I don't know...there is something a bit lazy about her. Sometimes I think she's been waiting all her life to have a servant like me to wait on her. But other times she tries so hard to do things herself. And yet she does have that attitude. She actually refers to herself as we very often instead of I. "We don't do suchandsuch." "We don't like that."

She always calls me "honey." I'm pretty well convinced it's because she doesn't want to be bothered with remembering my name--or to cover up that she doesn't remember it.

She often repeats words twice: "Thank you, thank you." "Oh, that's hot, hot."

Sorry, I'm deviating. I hope I feel better tomorrow so I can give her some attention. But she did spend a lot of the time sleeping today. Maybe it was just the weather. In fact, I think I'm going to skip doing the dishes (good thing Mary doesn't notice things like that anymore) and turn in early myself.