Stir Crazy

I think I'm starting to go stir crazy. I just want some fresh air! Maybe I'll go sit outside on the porch. Who am I kidding? It's 27 degrees out!

As I was reading to Mary tonight (still Harry Potter and the Prisoner--it's been very slow-going b/c she goes to bed so late that she falls asleep almost as soon as I've started to read) and it occured to me how very much it was like trying to get a child to go to sleep. She has been sleepy all day. Probably that cough syrup I've been giving her at night. She dozes over the paper and totally denies it--she's just resting her eyes. At 8:30 this evening I woke her up and she asked what time it was, barely able to keep her eyes open. Hmph. Too early to go to bed. I said maybe she could go to bed at 9 tonight since she was so sleepy. She agreed. Come 9 o'clock and she was wide awak! Ping! Didn't want to go to bed. I finally talked her into it. It certainly helped that there was nothing on TV that I wanted to see :-) I told her if she went to bed I could stay up and work on her robe. She finally agreed and I read to her till about 9:40 or so. I don't think she's ever really slept this evening. She's awake right now. I just don't get it. Oh, well, I'm the same I guess. I'll be so sleepy and then stay up reading or doing a puzzle and then turn the light out cause I can't hold my eyes open only to lay there wide awake. She said she thinks she often lies awak all night. I told her that couldn't be so b/c I hear her snoring. But what do I know? I mean, I do get up umpteen times to pee during the night but maybe the rest of the time she's lying there awake.

And of course it's when I'm lying there awake that I think of all the things I'd like to write about. I simply must put a notebook next to my bed.

Yes, I'm really started to feel... like a piece of jello or something. Rolling around this house from one end to the other. Spending most of my time in the kitchen or the living room. I've gotten really bad about not wanting to do the dishes. Then I let them pile up. I really, really hate myself for that. Mostly, I guess, b/c I know Mary would never in a million years do that. I mentioned to her that I know I'm really awful about doing the dishes and she just replied that not everybody can be the same. Apparently Grandma always used to say that it wouldn't do for everybody to be the same, and Mary loves to quote that.

I've also gotten bad about cooking. That really is a sign that something is wrong with me b/c I absolutely love to cook. But you know what? I'm trying so hard to lose weight and although I'll feel the desire to bake something (that's my main joy), I won't do it b/c it doesn't fit in my diet. I'd love to bake a loaf of homemade bread, for one thing, or an apple pie. But I don't. Maybe I should just say the heck with it. After all, I didn't gain so much over Christmas and I made quite a bit of candy and cookies. I even ate a huge tin of sugar cookies and didn't gain but about half a pound at the most. Well, but then I'm also getting frustrated about my diet. I guess I'm getting frustrated about everything. This is surely a sign of caregiver stress. Like my life is stressful! Right! Well, but I know that caregivers do need to have a break. I'm starting to hanker for a weekend away at, say, Foxhollow.

And I often think about how I don't meet anybody. Nobody new. Muchless the "old" friends I had in Lexington. Maybe I need to take a drive with Mary to Lexington, visit UK, have lunch with the secretaries. I'm sure they'd like to meet Mary. I could bake something for them :-) And what about here? I've had a profile on a dating website but I finally hid it. There was one interesting lady who wrote to me and several (please forgive my rudeness) mostly uninteresting men, but I never wrote back. For one thing, I'm not subscribed. I consider myself unemployed, so I don't want to spend the money. Also, how would I go about meeting these people? I'd have to find someone to take care of Mary. These are bad excuses, aren't they? Well, I guess I'll have to wait till I get so incredibly frustrated that I do something about it.