Good Days

The good days have continued. In fact, this morning when Mary used the potty, she carefully measured out two sheets and then folded them just so, which seems to confirm that she's back to herself. She's not always walking better. She shakes a lot, but we just have to stop and let the tremor pass. It's like a wave going from her legs to her arms. I seriously believe that if she takes a deep breath, it passes sooner. She doesn't remember that, so I have to repeat it all the time. She also doesn't want to stop (would you stop if you felt like you were going to fall?), so I have to repeat myself all the time and make her stop. I wonder what the mental damage is when you've had to repeat yourself for years like this? I'm starting to wonder if taking care of Mary isn't actually a good preparation for being able to teach (better). I mean, I'm definitely learning patience and teachers have to repeat themeselves all the time.

Mary has definitely been more alert when visitors have been here, even though I'm sure she doesn't hear much. I wonder a lot about how much she does here. It's so easy for a person to fake how well they hear. Angie can never understand me anymore on the telephone. She understands Mary and Mom. They say it's my higher-pitched voice. Hmph.

I've been writing down everything I do and from what time to what time for the past week. This seems to really help keep me on-task. It's also helped me to see how long it takes to do things. Sometimes not long but often quite longer than I thought, so I don't feel so guilty for not getting so much done. It's also helped me to see how much time I spend taking care of Mary, even though I often feel like I just leave her sitting there while I go off and do other things all day. It's funny, but it's a little like writing things down when you're dieting! I feel a sense of accountability that was missing before. Angie says I wouldn't have so much to do if I would put things away. I thought that was an interesting comment. How observant people are! Can I learn to do that? Wouldn't it make me feel better? Well, I'm trying. Can't help but wonder when/if I'll fall off the wagon. But that's a horrible, negative thought that would surely end up being self-fulfilling.

I still end up having things on my list that don't get done. It often involves writing to people or, heaven forbid, calling them. I always put off contacting people. Why do I do that? What am I so afraid of???

Mary and I are supposed to go out to lunch with Mom (and Dad if he deems us suitable company), but the weather hasn't behaved. I'm getting very frustrated with the weather forecasters. It seems to be lately that if they say it will do one thing, it does the other. I wish I could get Mom and Mary to go see a movie. That Nanny McPhee one or the Inspector Clueso... I think we could all use the laugh.