Verbal Diarrhea

Mom asked me the other day if I’d go with her to Macy’s to get some new shoes (for my nephew’s wedding). She wanted me to go when Bonnie came but, to be honest, I knew that would mean I wouldn’t get to go to the gym, so I asked her if we could go the next day and take Mary. We both agreed that it would be good for Mary to get out, so we went yesterday.
Boy, Mary was in no mood to go out, let me tell you! She was being as stinky as she could–even though I put one of her favorite tops on her and a necklace and some rings. She said she was just so sleepy. This worries me a bit because she’s laid down to take two naps this past week. Is she just getting older? Is she not sleeping well at night? Is she ill?

Well, as Mary said, she has to do what I tell her! So she came along. Once we got in the car, she was better. I mean, she does really like going out. I wish we’d gone to the fancy part of town, b/c that’s her "old stomping ground" (as she calls it). We went to the store that was closer. Their selection of shoes on sale wasn’t very good. I bet they would have been better at the other store. Mom didn’t think so.

Unfortunately, Mom didn’t find any to go with her dress, but she did find a really nice comfortable pair of sandals. I caught sight of these slip on, loafer-style swede shoes. They weren’t on sale. Liz Claiborne. I got a pair. I hope they’ll last me the rest of my life! They’re beautiful. I also (God help me) opened an account with them so that I could get a 20% discount.
When I was finished, I joined Mom (and Mary, who didn’t seem to be too present to the situation) in the kitchen-wares section. We ended up getting a 10-piece pots and pans collection (all-metal, no Teflon) for Shawn and Amanda. I hope they use them and aren’t afraid since they aren’t Teflon-coated. I’ll have to be sure to write them a note about baking soda and vinegar.
Using my new card, we got 30% off! I wanted so badly to get some other kitchen equipment, but couldn’t find anything we really needed–their selection wasn’t so great. (I’d really like to get a huge silicone mat like Mom has for rolling out dough on. That’s probably the thing I like least about Mary’s house–no kitchen table to work on. Oh, well. It’s probably for the best–keeps me form baking even more!) Oh, I also got a Wilson cookie press for Gina. I’m so excited! She bought one a few years ago but it was broken. She couldn’t take it back b/c she’s lost the receipt or didn’t know where she’d gotten it or something. I always take mine when I go to make Xmas cookies and was determined to give it to her last year but couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s something that the boys can use and get into. Cookie press cookies were a big deal during our Xmas cookie making when we were kids.

On our way out of the store (ahem), I ended up getting Mary two shirts–a black one with fold-down collar and ¾ length sleeves, and lime/pea green one with a round neck and long sleeves. The other day when I put my black t-shirt on, she mustered me really well and I knew what she was thinking when out came, "Do I have a black shirt like that?" She loves black, but, as I told her, I didn’t like her in black. I like her in colors. Well, needless to say, she is absolutely tickled pink with her new tops! I showed them to her several times yesterday evening and she just carried on and carried on about them. Who would think a 94-year-old would still be interested in new clothes?!

Oh, I also got a pretty wrap-around skirt that was on clearance. It has a black background and delicate largish roses and irises on it. The material is sort of like veiling or scarf material and it has a black lining. Size 10 and it fits! That’s the problem–I’m size 10 around my waist but size 20 around my hips! Anyway, the shoes were size 6 ½ and I wear size 7, so those expensive things are always the wrong size–I guess it makes those who can afford them feel better.
As usual, spending money makes me feel ill.
The kitty is trying to get into my lap.

After much soul-searching, I still couldn’t decide whether to donate some money to the Red Cross for Mary for the Katrina Relief Fund. I finally asked her again last night what she thought about giving some and reminded her that I’d given $50. She surprised me by saying that if I’d given $50, then surely she could give at least that much. Maybe Angie’s trying to make us feel bad for getting new clothes when all those people don’t have any clothes anymore actually sank in. Plus, she reads about it every day in the paper and sees about it on the TV. So she’s more with it than a lot of people think. Well, while I was at it, I also went to the Noah’s Wish website and donated $50 for Mary. I believe she would like to help the animals. Now if there’s a story on TV about it, I can tell her that she gave them money and it will make her feel good. Mary never did give to any charity that I know of–other than her church and now she feels deserted by them. I like to try to give something b/c it’s a reminder to myself that no matter how little I have, there are those who have less. However, I was hesitant to spend Mary’s money b/c then is she one day doesn’t have any, I’ll look back and feel guilty. But I do think she can afford it.
Mary seems to have really gotten used to the Forteo shots, btw. I’m so glad. I hated arguing with her every morning and having her be stinky. It’s not like I enjoy giving her the shot!
Did I mention that the roof has a leak? I called one company in to check it. They said $650 to repair it. I guess I’ll have to end up getting a new roof put on. I need to call two other companies and get their estimates and the insurance company to see if they’ll pay for any of it. I hate taking care of things like that! I guess I’m just so worried about getting screwed.

I also need to get Mary (and myself) to the dentist. And a thousand other things: straighten up and organize the basement, get the ceiling fan put in on the back porch, get the refund for the electric mower (remind me to tell you what I like and dislike about it), make those cinnamon rolls I’ve been promising Mary for ages, unpack my books... and eventually I think I’ll need to get a new linoleum floor in the kitchen. Gerard and Kenny did it and they did the worst job possible. Oh, if I’d been here at that time, heads would have rolled! Disgraceful! It’s pulling away from the wall and getting small tears in it here and there. And what they put on the steps leading to the garage is coming up, which is very dangerous. Oh, I also need to see about taking Mary to the podiatrist again. And I’d like to do some more landscaping in the yard and order some bulbs for next spring. I’d like to put tulips between the roses. I wonder if that’s a good idea.

But it doesn’t seem to matter what I have to or want to do–I feel like I’m constantly in a straight jacket. Mom said she does, too, and she thinks it’s normal, but I don’t. I think it’s depression and that it runs in my family. And that it’s also from the stress of being a caregiver. But I don’t have the nerve to talk to my doctor about it. Help!