Lighter and Darker Sides

Something strange happened today. I took Mary to the potty and ran to use the bathroom myself. When I came back, she was acting strange. She said she couldn't hold her head up and her speech go increasingly slurred. I wet a wash cloth with cold water but she couldn't even wipe her face, so I did it. She seemed like she was going to pass out, and all I could think was that I had to get her in her bed (or maybe even call an ambulance) and she'd just had a BM and hadn't wiped yet! Then it occured to me that I hadn't given her her pills yet. In fact, I hadn't given her her potassium in two days since I ran out before I could get more. (I had ordered a refill over the phone but somehow it didn't go through and I didn't realize until too late.) So I ran and put her teaspoon of potassium in some juice and gave it to her. By the time she'd finished drinking it, she was better. Was it the potassium? I thought she'd had a stroke. What was it?

I got her cleaned up and put her in her chair and wheeled her into her room where I put her to bed, sitting up, and gave her a cookie and then the rest of her pills. (I think she's not supposed to lie down after taking some of her pills.) She was fine. Great, in fact. I read to her and after a while she got up and went back out onto the back porch. Had she maybe been too hot? It does get hot out on the back porch.

On a lighter side... last night I saw Mary studying the white board with everyone's telephone numbers. Suddenly she said, "Well, everyone's on there but me!" I explained to her that those were the numbers she might want to call, so that's why she wouldn't be on there. That didn't seem to make sense to her and she remained upset. I finally told her I could put hers on there, but she said no and then forgot about it.

Now on a darker side... I went to pick up Mary's prescription for Cilostazol and the pharmacist started asking me about whether she'd ever had congestive heart failure because she takes Coreg, which is for chf patients and Cilostazol is dangerous for those who've had a level 3 or 4 chf. Well, to be honest, about 3 or 4 years ago when Mary was in the hospital for a hip operation (I think that's what it was), they did say she had had chf. Howerver, I think it was their fault because her catheter (sp?) wasn't draining properly and I told them that, but they ignored me and then her organs got backed up, which caused her chf. So it wasn't a condition she would have otherwise have had. Also, she kept having chest pains and they couldn't decide if it was her heart or her stomach (indigestion), so they put her on medicine for both things. Ever since that, whenever she's had chest pain, I give her Mylanta and maybe something with carbonation, she belches and then she feels better. So I don't think she has heart problems, so I let her take the Cilostazol. Well, the pharmacist said to talk to Dr R about it. When I told him that I had already told Dr R that she was taking this new medication, he made a comment that he and another pharmacist (who has much more experience) don't care much for Dr R. I'd just come from having to replace all four of my tires and a few days ago I found out I have several cavaties that need to be filled. I tel you, I just felt like my world was crashing down around me. I'll call Dr R tomorrow and ask her about it. What should I do? Mom says she trusts Dr R and never had any problems with her. But I haven't been very satisfied with my Prevacid/Zantac situation. (Both of them made me feel worse than ever.) I seriously feel that Mary could leave off half of her medication and not have any problems, but they leave her on them since she's doing ok. Should I be satisfied with that? Why mess with success? But I will talk to her about the Cilostazol. I would also like to know what level her chf was. This is all giving me a headache!

In addition to all this, I'm started to wonder if I don't really have a problem with depression. Even if it's a low-grade depression. I feel constantly hindered by a lack of something--interest, enthusiasm, energy--to do even the simplest tasks. Yet I don't want to take something and have annoying side effects. And I can't really afford any medication. Plus, I don't feel confident about talking to Dr R about being depressed. Like she would think less of me or not believe me. I also think it's a genetic thing, not just my situation. I think I've been suffering from it for a long time and just didn't realize it.