Lazy Day

Today was a lazy day--Mary and I both just stayed in our pj's. I got a migraine last night and it lasted through most of today. Not a good day for me. Alternating nausea and raving hunger. I don't think I even took Mary into the kitchen today. Oh, yeah, I did. For breakfast. I try to get her to do some butt squeezes throughout the day or to get up and walk around a bit. Sometimes she'll stop by the restroom. I tell you, she and I are exact opposites--I've got the world's smallest bladder and she's got the hugest! She can go for hours without peeing. Well, during the day. But sometimes I notice that her "bucket" is a bit wet (I usually give it a couple of pats or even massage it, telling her she needs to get some blood circulating there--I know, I'm crazy). I don't know if she's peed before she got up or perhaps the exursion of getting up did it.

I felt bad for her yesterday. Must have been totally boring. I tried to bake some German bread rolls in the morning--big flop. She was parked in the living room, watching the Macy's Parade. Then I had a pie crust to make. Got her washed up and dressed. I couldn't believe I was able to convince her to wear this really fancy top that Ed and Jan had given her. It came down to her knees, but that doesn't bother her. I also dressed up. I knew Mom would make a big deal. I told her I was trying to keep in practice. I mean, you do need to practice or you forget how. But, truthfully, I would have been more comfortable dressed down. As it was, we didn't make a traditional dinner, so it didn't really seem like Thanksgiving. But poor Mary... I try to give her things to do to help prepare dinner, but Mom's not used to that. She was so bored and tired--and it's always rather cold at Mom's. I finally parked her in front of the boob tube. Mom doesn't have cable, so the choice was more limited. The one program I wanted her to watch had bad reception. Mary preferred the Court TV anyway. That sort of drove Mom and I bananas, hearing them yelling and making fools of themselves. How do people like that live with themselves? And why does anyone want to watch them? It's as bad as the programs on the Fox news channel. There's enough stress and ugliness in the world without that bs!

As we were sitting down, my brother Gus and his wife and son showed up with her aunt. This poor lady has been completely used and abused by her son and grandchildren. Now she's in a nursing home and has a bit of Alzheimer's. She hates it there, naturally. I guess she has nothing left anymore. But she's right, so many of the people in those homes are off their rocker's. Being around them drives the sane ones crazy eventually. And you don't have any freedom or rights. Of course not--it's an institution. It made me feel like Mary was a royal princess, having me to take care of her. I didn't tell the lady that I took care of Mary so she could stay in her own home. This lady doesn't even know why she's in a nursing home. It's such a sad, sad story. I was glad for her that Gus and Pat brought her out for the day, but it kind of put a damper on our evening. Listening to someone carry on about how bad they've got it and having to comiserate with them just brings you down. After dinner, we were all so tired that we plopped down in front of the TV a bit and then I brought Mary on home. My headache had started by then. It was getting cold out and made me realize that I won't be able to take her out much anymore. Too dangerous.

I've asked Mom to come sit with Mary tomorrow so that I can go to the store. I don't have the energy to take her with me. These migraines really take it out of me. Thank goodness I don't have auras. I don't think I could handle it. I'm glad Mom agreed to come.

I talked to my friend Susanne in Germany today. She was surprised when I said that I couldn't go outside for a walk. I have to smile because I think so many people really don't understand. Even leaving Mary alone while I go use the bathroom is a bit scary. I often go while she's going (in the bathroom down the hall) because I know from experience that I can pee faster than she can. I keep her foot rest on her lazy boy up and a blanket on her not just because that's comfortable for her but also because it will then take her longer to get up and I'll probably hear the chair if she takes the foot rest down. I try to keep her walker parked outside of the room so that she doesn't get any ideas about getting up--not that it hasn't stopped her, even once while I was lying, dead to the world, on the couch in the same room--didn't wake up till I heard her fall. But I can't bear to think about my situation like that--that I can't even go outside. That makes me feel like a prisoner. It doesn't feel that way. I like to have the illusion that I can go anywhere and do anything I'd like. Now I really have to smile. Just like my mother all of those years, I just tell myself that I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.