Sleepless

I can't sleep. I stayed up too late reading emails and browsing the internet (about migraines--talking about a moronic thing to do since staring at a computer screen late into the night causes migraines). I crawled in bed with Mary, which is a silly thing I do. She's always so warm! Eventually, her snoring wakes me up and I have to go to my own bed, which is then painfully cold. I thought old people were supposed to be cold, but as I always tell her, she's a mean, lean, heat-producing machine.

Now I can't sleep because I keep thinking about Chris. That's depressing me. And I'm thinking about money, which is depressing, too. I feel like I always spend too much. I can hold back for a while but then, kaboom, I blow a wad. Not that I think I'm abnormal. In fact, I think compared to the average person, I probably do pretty well. But, then, I don't think the average, well, let me change the above statement to "American" instead of just "person," I don't think the average person does well with money at all. But what do I know? I mean, who is the average American, really? How can we know? From the census? From our friends? From TV or radio? Magazines? There are so many people out there (advertisers, mostly) telling us who we are that sometimes it's hard to know who we really are, muchless who everyone else is. The problem is that it's not healthy to isolate yourself. It's funny. I remember a college professor talking to us about the myths about ourselves that surround us , mostly propagated by advertisers. I remember not having a clue about what he was talking about! And you know what? I think back then I really wasn't much influenced by advertisers.

I'm stressing about the yard, for one thing. Everyone around us (except for the Cubans) has such nice yards. Mary has nice bushes but there are a lot of weeds growing around them. I can see that at one time there was mulch there and I'd like to put some more around them, but I know it will be expensive (not to mention back-breaking). I also need to replace a bush that died. The yardman last year was supposed to do that but he never did. I'd also like to put out some fertilizer to help kill the weeds, but you also have to have that little spreader-thingy. I spent so much on bulbs last year... speaking of which, two of the things I planted turned out to be the wrong product. I'd be mad as hell, but I don't have the energy. I ordered white crocuses and the ones that came up were white with purple veins. Also, I ordered red tulips and the ones that came up are yellow with some weird pink markings. They're going to send me the proper bulbs in the fall, but, hell, I don't have anywhere else to put them! The company's name is Jung, so don't order from them! They've been nice but that doesn't fix my problem.

I need to go back to bed.

I was thinking about thsoe marshmallows. I made another batch and a half and mixed them together, but it's still incredibly strong. Still opens up your nasal passages. I dipped half in chocolate this evening--with Mary "helping," ie, mostly making annoying comments about the chocolate being too thick and that there wouldn't be enough, although she did throw in a few comments about how pretty they were. I thought they looked awful. But they tasted good. I kind of forced her to eat a few. Then she had a pain in her stomach a little later. She had a pain in her chest this morning. I think it's from the peppermint. I gave her Mylanta and it seemed to help. But I was thinking about how I got this idea of pink, peppermint-flavored marshmallows dipped in dark chocolate and I just had to make them. I also have an idea about adding some bourbon and walnuts and either dark chocolate chips or dipping them. Isn't that weird the way you can get an idea and you've just got to do it? I had an idea about a pink and yellow dress once and had to make it. Then I hated it. I wonder what ever happened to it.

Did I mention that I want to get another photo album for Mary's old pictures (of her and Bill mostly)? I thought this would be a nice project to do at Gina's. Mary loves looking at the album I got for her for Xmas.

The daffodils she was so crazy about have kicked the bucket but she wouldn't let me throw them out.

We have to go to the lawyer's tomorrow to change the alternate executor on Mary's will. I thought we might eat lunch out. And I'd love to find the Liquor Barn and get Mary some more Amaretto and me some Rioja. There I go spending money. No. We should go and come back home. We have plenty of food here at home.

Ok, back to bed.